BUTTERFLY

BUTTERFLY

BUTTerfly

BUTT_erfly

BUTT

I know this is probably the worst place I could possibly pose this question, but I’ve been wondering, so here goes. But first some background.

Probably within the past year or two, I discovered that FedEx started showing the name and a photo of the delivery driver on the tracking pages. Since they started doing that, I’ve noticed a very strong trend.

Whenever my package is late, meaning it’s marked as “Out for delivery” on a given day, but doesn’t arrive, it’s always the same driver. Now it’s at the point where if I get a notification that my package is out for delivery and I happen to see that Bob (not his real name) is the driver, I know for sure it’s not coming that day. Sometimes it’ll come the following day, but most often it doesn’t get delivered until a different driver shows up on the tracking page several days later.

So, I’m wondering, when they know they don’t plan on actually making a delivery attempt but they need to mark the package as out for delivery, do they just have a designated “fake” driver they assign it to? Is Bob even a real human?

…why does that soap have a bite out of it?

Because people see the picture and think “What in the world why does that soap have a bit out o fit” and then go ahead and click the link. And after doing various “experiments” over the years, advertisers have found that these sort of practices substantially improve engagement/click-through metrics and ultimately result in higher traffic / sales / ad revenue / etc.

I get it’s a meme, but I’d be hard pressed to find one thing that’s not annoying about shopping in these places.

This is how I found out that 800mg of ibuprofen / Tylenol costs $45 if you get it in a hospital in the USA.

There’s always some degree of background static, hissing, humming, etc, no matter what channels I tried tuning them to. I don’t expect perfectly clear audio while using an adapter, but those tuner types were always unacceptably bad for that any time I’ve tried them.

The bluetooth to FM transmitter works well for you? I’ve tried them several times over the decades, even the expensive ones seem to suck. Maybe not as much as your bluetooth to cassette, I’ve never seen one of those for sale or used one.

Cubeboobies

In my early school years, we only had round tipped plastic safety scissors that could barely cut tissue paper. As a kid, I was terrified at the degree of responsibility and potential to take another kid’s life those scissors represented.

The adults in charge when I was a kid had us convinced that if we ran with scissors in our hands we were going to kill the other children in the vicinity by accident in the most horrifically bloody and violent manner. They even showed us video re-enactments of children getting stabbed in the heart, neck, and eye complete with fake blood gushing out and Bugs Bunny worthy death performances.

A lot of us thought this was some super common way that kids were dying by the millions all across the world.

In the third grade, I won the science fair.

The competition was pretty strong. There was a kid who built a contraption to simulate a mini-tornado. Granted, it was probably his dad who built the thing, but still. There was another kid that built and programmed a robotics project. Again, probably his parents did a lot of the work, but the guy was super smart so I’m sure he did some of that work. One girl came up with an experiment to use fungus to grow plastics or something like that, I don’t remember. It’s been decades.

Me? The afternoon before the fair I had literally nothing. I grew up poor, we had a lot of junk laying around the house because my parents would go to the county dump site, dig through the trash, and bring home anything they thought was valuable or fixable. I managed to hobble together one of the light sensors from a broken night light to the electronics from a toy radio so that it only played when the lights were off. I stuffed that into a cardboard “robot”. And the people judging the science fair loved it.

So fuck you Stephanie Petty, Chris McDonald, and Dequan Shaw and your rich ass parents and your entitled ass selves. I won bitches.

I have known a ton of people like this. The hardest part of dealing with it is that sometimes they are right. It’s typically a case where they came to the correct conclusion but arrived there by faulty logic and/or false information.

All they will ever recognize is that the were right, doesn’t matter why or how. They never actually learned any lesson, they’ll ignore the myriad other cases where they were absolutely wrong, while they continue to use the same baseless methodology to form future opinions and conclusions.

As a sophisticated man of discriminating taste and impeccable manners, I eat these crazy tall burgers with a knife and fork. Just kidding, I use a knife and fork because they are too tall for my mouth and too messy for my beard.

Caring is sharing and sharing is the root of all love so let’s gather round and give each other hugs and tell each other how nice our hair smells except for the ones of us who are bald your bald skin smells like sun block and sweat.

I guess I’m feeling greenhouse because I’m full of hot air, I can’t spell worth a crap, and I’ve got plans.

Looking at the pixels and layers upon layers of compression artifacts in this photo, it wouldn’t surprise me if the original was created at least 5 - 10 years ago, meaning it would have accurately included all millennials at the time it was made.

This reminds me of the time when I was a kid and me and several of my family members went racing out into the front yard to watch the plane that was doing all kinds of aerial acrobatics over our neighbors’s field dropping whatever chemical or fertilizer was in their tanks that day so we were all basically coated in it by the time they were done and we went back inside. Except I wasn’t a kid when it happened, I was a fully informed adult who should have known better and then a few days later we found out it was some kind of potentially dangerous fungicide. But on the plus side I now have 3 penises.

Some people have all the luck. I have to pay for this type of interview, and this dude is presumably getting it for free.

I should’ve read the comments before I commented with my comment which was basically what you said but less eloquently.

Oh yeah I hate trying to spell this word, too!

Accomamodate is my kryptonite.