I wish I’d develop some voices. Then I’d have plausible deniability to do what I want, whether they actually told me to or not.

Amazing what food coloring and a joke can accomplish lol

I started calling Thanksgiving “Gluttony Day” years ago. Christmas is “Capitalism Day.” Capitalism is the 10th Sin.

Most of Europe nearly ran out of wood over 500 years ago. Why do you think they were so eager to deforest North America? Their sailing ships weren’t gonna get made out of bricks, and coal wasn’t a big hit yet.

If you teleport the people off the tracks then you can kill them all while still taking credit for saving them.

I like cake.

When I was a little kid my dad’s old retired police cruiser still had an 8-track player in it. Y’all ain’t that old. I was there for that thing’s entire lifecycle, then portable mp3 players’ too. Streaming on mobile will probably last a while though.

You can have my eyeballs on your ads when you out then from my cold, dead head.

That’s no brick; it’s a universal multi-tool.

I’ve used DSGE, it’s highly effective at JTXNE.

Clearly she’s allergic to it - there’s an allergy warning on the sign. It’s probably full of artificial flavors. Or maybe it was made from tree nut husks, IDFK.

This is why I’ve got two of those with hook things that you hang over the top of a door.

Max^Max

No no, it started with Nixon, then accelerated with Regan. Harambe’s death was an early warning sign.

NGL, this wouldn’t be the weirdest thing if it had evolved and then been domesticated.

You’ve heard of a glory hole, now watch out! Here comes a __________ hole!

I’m from Chicago and hate every single goddamn part of that pizza

How heavy was the lamp though? Because there’s “ow!” heavy, and “he’s in a coma” heavy.

Are we a fucking joke to you?